sunrise
by xx-myhungrybookworm-xx
Summary: Nessie is now fully grown.Her feelings for Jacob have changed, but can they be together? In just one night her world is about to be turned upside down, her family broken, and there's danger coming.lemons. DICONTINUED -if u want to take it over let me know
1. Hide and seek

I laughed as I ran through the trees, not quite my full speed, but not exactly human speed either. I really couldn't resist teasing him just a little.

"C'mon Jake" I cried over my shoulder, lithely dodging a fallen tree in my path. "Bet you can't catch me!"

I heard his short bark of laughter from behind me, then the sound of his running changed. His footfalls sped up and I could hear him pounding the twig-strewn ground not with his human feet but with his wolf paws.

_Oh so that's how your gonna play this then. _I thought smiling to myself as I broke into a sprint. I could hear him starting to arc in from behind in order to come at me from the right.

"C'mon then!" I shouted again, "You wont get me though!"

As a new bout of laughter burst from me - I really was feeling the happiest I had in days - I leaped into the air, and, using a well-positioned branch swung myself up into the top of a large tree. Here, I crouched making sure I was hidden from view by the foliage surrounding me. This was the perfect place, from here my scent couldn't waft in his direction, he'd have to rely on his eyes alone, because I was very good at not making a sound; when you can hold your breath for as long as i can it's very easy being silent.

Looking down from my hiding place I watched as he emerged from behind another large oak, slowed to a walking pace now. He had clearly realised I had stopped running and was now attempting to hide from him, but I doubt he realised I was that close by, as the next moment he transformed back into human form again. He could control the change both ways now; he didn't even change when he was angry, unless he wanted to.

A gasp escaped my lips as my eyes widened in wonder, silently mouthing the word "wow" to myself. Thankfully the angle at which Jake was standing meant that I could only see him from behind, otherwise I think I might have fallen out of the tree, as it was I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks.

I watched, unable to take my eyes off him, as he quickly pulled on his sweats and started to pull his t-shirt over his head; they'd been tied around his neck. Even from high up in my hiding place I could appreciate how muscular he was, the strength he possessed. Unlike Emmett, who in my opinion was just a slightly goofy, non-green version of the Hulk, Jake was, …well, … it suited him - he wasn't too big and he wasn't out of proportion - he was just right. I felt a funny tightening in my stomach as he turned, still pulling on his top and I caught a flash of his abs, a perfectly formed six-pack clearly evident. I bit down on my lip to stop another gasp escaping. _What was wrong with me?_

I mean Jake and I have always been best friends. For the whole two years since the Volturi left he has been constantly by my side, we literally spend almost every minute of the day with each other. He was the one who had reassured me that everything was okay when I started to grow at a rapid rate again after they left, repeating Granddad Carlisle's theory that I might have stayed young whilst the threat was prominent in my life, in order to seem less threatening - almost like a survival technique - but now that the danger was absent, however momentarily, I would grow rapidly in order to face whatever new dangers I was presented with, with my full strength and abilities. Jake had told me to be brave and that he would never ever let anything happen to me. There was an undeniable bond between us, due to the imprinting - something he didn't know i knew about, - and we trusted each other completely, and always told each other everything.

But a couple of months back Jake started getting weird around me. About the time I stopped growing.

Both physically and mentally I now seem to be about seventeen years old, I look roughly the same age as my mum and dad now, infact i'm even a couple of inches taller than my mum, even though technically I have only existed for about two and a half years.

But recently I started getting awkward around Jake, and so he in turn has started almost avoiding me, we hadn't been alone together for ages and it seemed as if Jake was a bit uncomfortable around me, as if he didn't know how to act. Sometimes I feared that he _knew_, knew that I've started feeling, well, _feelings_ towards him. But I just convinced myself I was being very paranoid. How could he know? I'm always very careful with my thoughts, you have to be when you live with a father who can read what you are thinking; it can be very embarrassing.

"Nessie?" Jake called, a hint of a smirk in his voice.

I clamped my mouth firmly shut. He clearly intended to follow the sound of my voice to find me. If I replied he might figure out that I'd been watching him.

"You can't hide forever, Nessie" Jake continued the smirk growing larger, " we have to get back to the others soon. You don't want to deny Charlie seeing his favourite granddaughter do you now? Especially on his birthday. "

_The little cheat_, I thought. Not that any one could describe Jake as little. He turned around scanning the forest, facing away from me again, I silently jumped down from my hiding place to land softly on a large boulder, just a few feet away from him; I didn't want the sound of my landing to give me away, and the floor was covered in twigs and leaves. Quickly, before he had a chance to make a full three-sixty, I once again leapt into the air, only to land right behind him this time, I grabbed his shoulders and growled "Gotcha!" in his ear.

"Hey! Where did you come from?" he laughed pulling me deftly into a playful chokehold, but letting go quickly as I pretended to aim a kick between his legs.

"Told you you couldn't catch me." I teased.

"Maybe I let you win"

"If it hurts your ego that badly, we can call it a draw if you want" I smiled at him. We both laughed.

"So, do you want to race back then?" he asked giving me a cheeky little shove and dropping into the starting position that runners use in a sprint race.

"No"

"Oh, wha-"

"I don't want to go back yet Jake"

"But - "

"We never spend any time together anymore"

" Yeah we do. I know it's different now that we've just started high school and I'm not with you all the time, but we still see each other the rest of the time, don't we?"

"I know. I just meant we're never alone together anymore. There's always someone with us. I -"

"Ness-"

"I miss it being just you and me, Jake"

"I know" he said, "me too" he added so quietly I wondered if he meant for me to hear.

There was a momentary expression of pain that flickered so fast across his face i wondered if i had imagined it, as if he was fighting a battle with himself, before he turned to face me fully. Then his face lit up, his eyes snapped to mine, and he gave me the wonderful lopsided smile he only ever uses for me.

"Well…" he said.

"Uhuh?" I interrupted again, grabbing his hand.

"What do you want to do?" his warm hand squeezed mine as our fingers interlocked.

"Um…" I didn't know what I wanted to do. I just wanted to spend time with him. We'd already gone hunting and I didn't feel much like playing hide and seek again. He laughed at the evident indecision on my face.

"How about the river?" he suggested.

"Yeah. Sounds good" with that he scooped me up into a bear hug before placing me back down on my feet in front of him.

"We really shouldn't be too long though, you know" he said serious again, "well, maybe just a couple of hours" he smiled at me, and with that he darted into the trees.

"Hey!" I laughed "in a rush?"

"Don't be silly, Nessie" he was teasing me now. "It's your turn to try and catch me!"

* * *

The whole time we'd spent together at the river I had been fighting the urge to just turn to him, fling myself in his arms and kiss him on the lips. It was ridiculous really. We were just friends. I couldn't let myself fantasise like this, even if he did look absolutely amazing with his top off. But the more I thought about him, the more I just wanted to reach out to where he lay in the long grass of the river bed and touch him.

"Nessie!" I heard him shouting breaking through my reverie.

"Hmmm?"

"Boy, you were deep in though weren't you?" he laughed, "I've been shouting at you for a while now. Thought I was going to have to pounce on you or something"

There it was again, the clenching in my stomach, and the fluttering in my chest. _Damn it, what is wrong with me? _

"You're blushing?" he chuckled.

Sure enough, even though I knew he didn't know what I had been thinking, I still felt like I had been caught out. My cheeks felt like they were burning. I turned my face away from him looking into the now dark forest.

"No" I said, pouting my lips.

"Yes you are," he laughed. "What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing" thankfully he let it drop, he did however continue to stare at me, which was a little embarrassing, I just wanted the ground to swallow me up.

"You know, I could just come over there, grab you and you'd have no choice but to show me what you were thinking," he said eventually. His eyes still hadn't left my face.

_What?_ I thought. _I can't believe it he feels the same!_

"What do you mean?" I whispered out loud, my heart jumping up and down in my chest.

"What do you mean, 'What do you mean?' " He laughed. "Have you forgotten all about you little vampiric gift?"

"Oh" how foolish of me. _You idiot,_ I scolded myself. I felt the disappointment starting to creep up on me; of course he wasn't thinking _that._

"You know I can control that, Jake" I said stiffly, "I don't show anyone what I'm thinking, or remembering or whatever unless I want to."

"Yeah, but don't you have to be concentrating though?" He was teasing me again. "I'm pretty sure I could make your concentration slip for a second or two" he laughed sounding confident.

_You have no idea_. I said in my head. He was still looking at me; I looked back at him our eyes locking together.

"Ooo, pouting too!" he smirked

"We should go back now" I sighed looking away after a couple of seconds; I was scared he could read my thoughts just by looking in my eyes, it always felt as if he could see right to the core of me.

He sighed too, "okay."

I raised myself to a sitting position and he was there holding out his hand, waiting to help me up.

"No tricks, I promise" he chuckled. He was clearly trying to make me feel better. It was working.

"As if you could ever beat me," I laughed teasingly.

"Oh yeah?" he laughed too as he picked me up, he really was very warm. "Someone's confident!"

"Or just realistic"

"Wanna put it to the test?"

"Race back then?"

"You're going down, Cullen" he said in a mock growl. And with that he leapt the river to the other side leaving me stood on the other bank gawping at him, he really was in exceptionally high spirits today.

"Jake?"

"What?"

"Your on the wrong side of the river"

"I'm just giving you a good head start that's all." He claimed, a little bit too defensively, almost laughing at himself.

"Oh really?"

"Well, truth be told, you're messing with my head, Nessie"

"What do -?" I started, but he was already gone, he'd leaped back across the river and was sprinting back towards the celebrations I could hear in the distance, laughing as he went. I laughed too, and sprang after him into the fast approaching night.


	2. A birthday party

I woke up to find Alice looming over me, her pixie face alight with her bright smile.

"Morning, sleepy head" she sang. "It's time for you to get dressed," she laughed gesturing to a mound of dress bags at the end of my bed, which she had obviously just brought in with her.

"What?"

"Ah, come on Nessie" she smiled "I've been itching to get you a wardrobe ever since you stopped growing!"

"But wh-" I tried to ask.

"It's your eighteenth birthday!" Alice positively squealed dancing over to the window and opening the curtains. "These," she gestured at the bags again, "are part of you present. You get them now so you can pick one to wear for your party."

"My party?"

"Yes. Isn't it wonderful?" she smiled again, "I thought it was perfect timing, you know? Whilst we're back in Forks and everyone's here."

"But-"

"But nothing, don't you want to have a birthday?"

"But it's granddad Charlie's birthday."

"No. That was yesterday. And so I thought why not celebrate yours too whilst everyone is in celebratory mode. This way you get to have Charlie around as well, and Seth and everyone."

I had nothing to say to that, once Alice has a plan she sticks to it, especially concerning celebrations, I was having a party no matter what. I just kept thinking _that means I'm older than my dad. _

"Don't worry," she laughed, "I've already told everyone so they've all got you presents"

"I don't want any-"

"Shh! Hurry up now, we don't have long to get you ready."

"Why? What's the time?" I usually woke up fairly early without my auntie-shaped alarm clock.

"Six-thirty. Charlie is going to wake up at eight so we need to be fully organised by then, you're going to have a joint party." She grimaced, "Bella said that he would never agree to a party just for him and he hates surprises, that's why it was only a family meal around the bonfire last night." She pulled another face.

"Six–what? It's too early!"

"Nonsense" she said with a grin, and with that she pulled the covers off me and yanked me out of bed.

* * *

Alice had lied.

It was now nine-thirty and granddad Charlie still hadn't woken up, I could smell alcohol in his blood stream, I suppose that may have been the cause.

So, here I was, all made up in a black-midnight, knee-length, halter-neck dress sitting downstairs on his old sofa, the only one awake in the house, pondering what to do about Alice.

The rest of my family had gone out hunting; if they was going to be a great deal of humans and wolves at this party they had to be sure their thirst was quenched in order to prevent any incidents, such as Rosalie attempting to kill my best friends pack mates, _again._

I was looking at the huge mound of presents in the corner, thinking there was no way that could be for just two people when Jake walked in. I hadn't even heard him approach.

"Alice" he said by way of explanation, shaking his head at the huge mound threatening to topple over and cover the entire room.

"Jake!" I cried in delight, running to him. He swept me up in a swift bear hug and carried me back to the sofa, where he set me down and sat beside me.

"I've got your present" he smiled, as he looked me up and down. "Nice dress. Very…"

"What?!" I asked sharper than I had intended. He was still looking me up and down; I didn't want to get any ideas again if I could help it, especially after last night.

Jake and me had been dancing together when a slow dance had come on, followed by another, and another, all I had been able to concentrate on were his warm hands, seeming to burn my skin where he had touched me, and his lips moving when he talked to me, I had just made up my mind to kiss him when I heard my dad growl from behind me and cut in to sweep me off to the other side of the room.

"Beautiful" he replied an odd expression on his face.

"Really?" I asked doubtfully, as his answer pulled me back into the present.

"Yes. You're always beautiful you silly girl" he laughed putting his arm around me, grabbing my legs and swinging them over his own so that I was now sat sideways on his lap.

"Do you want it now?" he asked.

"What?" I said, my heart was starting to beat faster; he still had a hand on my thigh. Was I too far gone that I would slip up and show him what I was thinking? I didn't think so, not yet anyway.

"Your present," he chuckled, fishing a small box out of his jeans pocket. He handed me the box staring at my face again.

"Thank you" I breathed as I looked up at him and smiled.

"You don't know what it is yet" he chuckled again.

"That doesn't matter" I smiled not taking my eyes from his happy face.

He shot me that lopsided smile that made my heart stutter and glanced away, down at the tiny box in my lap. Gently he nudged my hand aside and unwrapped the gift. Then he opened up the jewellery box and turned it to face me. I kept turning my gaze from him to his gift and back again in stunned silence.

Inside was a beautiful necklace, with a matching bracelet, silver with a large stone set on the end of the chain, a multitude of smaller ones surrounding it. As I looked at the diamonds they sparkled up at me.

"Jake. This must have cost a fortune." I gushed.

"You're worth it." He said it simply, but with meaning, smiling down at me. He bent his head towards me and I felt the familiar tightening in my stomach, the fluttering in my chest, before he kissed me on the cheek. I'd nearly slipped then.

"I love you, Nessie" he breathed in my ear and then kissed my cheek again.

"I love you too, Jake," I whispered back, turning to face him.

He still hadn't pulled away from whispering in my ear and as I turned my nose grazed his, my eyes snapping up to meet his gaze. To me it felt like eternity, but in reality it must have only been a few seconds. I was sure he knew what I was thinking whether I was unconsciously showing him or not. His lips parted as if he were going to say something and I felt his breath wash over my face.

Then, with all the timing of a really, _really _annoying person, granddad Charlie woke with a loud snort, waking Sue as well. We both jumped and the spell was broken. Jake looked away as I looked at my hands holding the necklace in my lap. Then my phone rang.

"Hello?" I asked, knowing who it was already.

"Hello Nessie, are you okay?" my mum asked.

"Yes, I'm okay mum" I was resolutely starting at my lap.

"Good. We've finished hunting now and are on our way back. Your father is driving so we should only be about ten minutes."

"Oh. Okay" Jake had slipped out from underneath my legs and had started towards the door.

"Bye, Nessie"

"Bye, mum" I said snapping the phone shut. What should I do? Should I go after Jake? As I was thinking this I realised it was already too late, I had already started after him, my legs working unconsciously as if there was a strong magnetic force pulling me towards him.

"Jake" I whispered again. I knew he'd hear me. He stopped and turned back around to face me, his eyes fierce with something I couldn't quite interpret, something like desperation. I gasped, my heart racing again.

"Jake" I repeated, still whispering. I was moving forwards again. He shook his head lightly, watching my face, stepping forward too as if without conscious thought of doing so.

"Nessie" he pleaded, grabbing me around the waist and pulling me to him, his eyes not leaving mine. I raised my arms and put them around his neck and slowly rose up onto the balls of my feet.

"Nessie, no" Jake said, shaking his head again, but he pulled me closer to him all the same. I shut my eyes as I raised my face to his, searching for his mouth my lips slightly parted.

His lips found mine and pushed against them with a fierce intensity, parting them wider as I pushed myself against him. His free hand had moved to my hair, twisting his fingers in it, before pushing it back around my shoulder. He then continued to trace the side of my face and moved down to my neck. His lips now worked furiously against mine, as he held me close, his hand now running down my spine. I shivered against him, my whole body shuddering, then we broke apart as he pushed me away from him.

"Jake" I sighed. I was totally incapable of any coherent speech.

"I'm sorry" he looked me in the eyes, kissed me on the cheek once and was gone. "Don't follow me" I heard him shout.

* * *

The party was fun I'll admit, but it just wasn't the same without Jake there. I was scared that he was avoiding me; well actually I was scared of _why_ he was avoiding me, since it was abundantly clear that he was - because he hadn't turned up at the party. The worst thing was I couldn't think about what had happened earlier because my dad was around and I didn't really the relish the idea of him giving a lecture to Jake, let alone me.

Alice and Jasper had bought me clothes, clothes and more clothes, as well as literally buying me a new wardrobe. That, however, was currently being built into my room back home so I wouldn't see it until this evening when we left Forks; we were staying in Alaska at the moment.

Rosalie and Emmett had bought me a CD player, Emmett explained the reason behind this choice as "so you can entertain yourself and stop bothering me and Rosalie when we want time _on our_ _own_." Something I was trying hard not to think about as they bumped and grinded into each other on the dance floor.

Next, Esme and Carlisle gave me their gift, which was amazing. I was handed a small rectangular envelope containing two airline tickets to the Caribbean. I glanced at my parents but they only smiled encouragingly as Carlisle said "we just thought that now you're officially and adult you might want to get away from all of us for a while, we know it gets a bit crowded at our place sometimes, plus _you_ don't have to worry about sparkling in the sunlight either." Esme also said that as an extra whilst I was away - whenever that was, they didn't expire for another year - she was going to decorate my room, however I wanted it.

From my parents I got a car. It was a stylish silver convertible of some sort – okay so I wasn't good on makes - but it looked good and I was assured it would go fast. My dad was pleased when I jumped up and down smiling and hugged them both, but still thought I wasn't truly appreciating it properly.

"Where's Jake?" he asked, "This car deserves a proper reaction. He's the only one around here apart form Alice that never gets tired of new cars." At that I felt my face fall, but I managed to plaster a grin back on my face with some effort.

"Oh, he said he might me along later, I think he was feeling pretty ill" he knew I was lying but didn't know what about or why because I was suddenly thinking very hard about wanting to go for a drive in my new car.

"Um, not yet sweetie, I think you should stay here, it is your party after all. Anyway, you'll get to drive it back tonight. You can go back with Jake."

"Mmm" was all I could manage before I had to turn away and almost run back into the crowd of people in the hope that their mental voices would drown out mine for the few seconds it would take to compose my thoughts. I ran into granddad Charlie who placed a package into the hand he had just grabbed.

"Here you go sweetie." He smiled at me. "Just thought you're growing up so fast I won't be able to keep up with everything you're doing. Anyway now that Edward assures me you're not gonna grow any more I thought why not make a record of everything you're gonna do, now you're all grown up, like on that holiday you're going on eh?" I presumed it was a camera then. I smiled up at him trying to concentrate on what he was saying and not think about Jake, but my thoughts just kept drifting back to him, to the memory of him pushing me away after we kissed, to the fact that he clearly didn't feel that way about me…

I opened the package and smiled up at Charlie as I saw the digital camera lying in my palm.

"Aw, thank you granddad." I managed to choke out, "that's really thoughtful. It's perfect"

"That's alright Hun, sorry it's not much though I-"

"Don't be silly" I tried to laugh, "it's great". He pulled me into an awkward hug before turning back to Sue.

He clearly still wasn't that comfortable with affection then. Accepting all the strange events surrounding his daughter's family, including her supposedly adopted daughter - who happened to look exactly like any child she and her husband could have - that was easy for him, even the bit about me aging at supernatural speed, but a hug? I laughed to myself, heading back towards the party.

* * *

When I parked in the garage, mum opened the door for me.

"Is everything alright mum?" I asked. She had an anxious look on her face.

"Yes, yes everything's okay, it's just - "

As we walked through the front door I noticed the rest of my vampire family, all waiting in the hall, looking as if they were about to leave.

"Oh. You have to go again," I said. Every so often my family would disappear on secret missions that they refused to tell me about, normally for a couple of days at a time.

"Yes, sorry honey" my mum apologised.

"No. It's okay" I smiled at everyone. "Honestly, it's fine."

"You won't be alone though, will you? You've got Jacob"

"Is he here?" I couldn't help but let the urgency through in my voice.

"Yes, dear. He's upstairs. I think he wants to speak to you. Apologise." My dad answered.

_Apologise? What is going on here?_ Nobody else seemed to think there was anything weird about this, they probably still all thought that Jake felt ill and was apologising for not being able to make the party.

"Are you going now then?" I turned to my mum again, forgetting the dread I felt at confronting Jake for the minute.

"Yes, we're sorry dear"

"It's okay, I understand. I don't suppose you're going to tell me what you're doing or where you're going though?" I half joked already knowing the answer.

"Sorry."

"No. I didn't expect so," I laughed.

"How long?" I asked more serious now.

"Um, we don't know yet. Probably a couple of days though. Bye, Nessie. Be good." And with that she hugged me, kissed me on the cheek and moved out the way so the rest of my family could say goodbye before they went.

* * *

I waited downstairs until I was sure that all of my family had gone. I concentrated on trying not to feel scared, I knew they would be alright; they always were, I just couldn't help worrying. To be honest though I did think about this a bit longer than usual in order to distract my thoughts from Jake. When I was absolutely positive that they had been gone a good quarter of an hour I decided that it was time for me to go upstairs.

Jake was in my room as I knew he would be. He was sat on the bed looking out my window. I sat down next to him and we sat in silence for a long while, content in each other's company.

"So?" I asked eventually. I mean there were comfortable silences and then just silences. Jake turned to look at me, a weird look on his face.

"I'm sorry Nessie," he said.

"For what?" this was all very confusing, if anyone should be apologising it was me, I mean I had practically jumped him.

"I'm sorry I kissed you"

"I'm not" I tried joking.

"I mean, I'm sorry I kissed you – that's not how I feel, that's not how you should feel. It was a mistake, Ness." I gaped at him in shock for a moment before the anger started building up inside me.

"What?!" I almost shouted in his face.

"I said I'm sorry Ness, I'm so sorry. I-" he wasn't meeting my gaze.

"You kissed me." I stated

"Yes. But-"

"No." I said, "No buts. You kissed me. I felt it. You kissed me back."

"That's what I mean Ness –I didn't mean to."

"But-" had I got it all wrong? I thought he had wanted me, it had felt like he wanted me. But what if I was wrong? What if he had kissed me so he didn't hurt my feelings, what if he really just wanted to be friends. It hadn't felt like that, but that was what he was trying to tell me I could see it in his eyes now.

"Sorry" he repeated, " I shouldn't have kissed you. We're friends. Just friends." He paused, "Best friends."

"I can't believe I was so stupid." I whispered to myself. I hadn't meant him to hear, but I knew he had. Anger flittered across his face and he clenched his hands into fists.

"Sorry, Jake" I said aloud. He still wasn't looking at me. I grabbed his hand and tugged at it. Eventually he looked up at me. I forced a smile.

"That's okay, Jake. Really" I smiled at him again, "I know you're my friend. We'll always be friends, right?" He answered with his lopsided smile.

"Always" he promised.

"Good, so… forget it?"

"Uh, yeah" he smiled again. "Love you Nessie."

"You too, Jake." It was alright. I didn't want to lose him. I didn't matter if I didn't have Jake like _that_, as long as I had him at all.

"Well, there you go, I have obeyed your dad." He chuckled. I didn't ask him what he meant by this I just held his hand and leant against his side, just how we always sat. After a while I started yawning. I was tired but I didn't want to sleep.

"I'll see you in the morning" he chuckled. "Sweet dreams." He kissed me on the cheek and made to leave.

"Jake?"

"Mmm?"

"Can you stay here tonight? I mean, with me. You don't have to, I'll understand, I just-"

"You sure?"

"Yeah" I said looking up at him, "Just until I fall asleep if you like."

"Is it because you're worried about your parents?" he asked.

"Yeah. But you don't have to, I - " It was partly, I told myself, but mainly just because I wanted to be with him, I wanted to show him I was alright with being just friends. I _would_ be alright.

"Okay." He said walking to the other side of the bed, he slid his jeans off – this didn't bother me I was used to Jake just walking about in a top and shorts – then jumped back on the bed, reaching out his hand. I crawled towards him sat at the top of the bed, and curled up at his side.

I shrugged my jumper off - i had changed into more casual clothes before we left Forks - i didn't need it, i had my own personal heating system right next to me.

"Night Nessie" he said, putting his arm around me. I was asleep in seconds.


	3. unconquerable passions

I woke up and felt the warmth of Jacob's body pressed up lightly against mine. I was on my side, and he was curled around me, our legs had somehow become intertwined through the night.

I didn't know if he was awake yet, or if he was asleep, and either way I didn't want to break the moment. It was just Jake and me. Alone. It didn't matter that he didn't want me the way I wanted him, the fact that he wanted me at all was enough.

I felt a slight shifting behind me and Jake's arm moved to my waist.

"Jake?" I whispered still not wanting to wake him.

"Mmm?" he mumbled.

I still didn't know if this meant that he was awake yet or still in that phase between dreaming and walking so I kept quiet. I could have stayed like this forever.

Again I felt a slight shifting behind me.

"Morning" he said, a smile in his voice.

Before I had a chance to reply he reached up with his other arm and pushed my hair over my shoulder and kissed my neck. Twice.

_Oh_. I thought, _it must be a dream ._I knew I should try to wake up before the dream could continue; I would feel the inevitable disappointment when I _did_ wake up, but it just felt so nice, so right, and there really was nothing to stop at the moment anyway.

"I love you," he whispered and I felt his hot breath tickle the back of my neck and send shivers down my spine. Then he started kissing me again. Slowly, he moved down my neck and then across my shoulder leaving my skin burning everywhere his lips touched.

I felt him prop himself up on his elbow and then lean over me as he continued to kiss along my collar bone then started up the front of my neck, feeling his breath was over the skin that was so sensitive beneath his lips and finger tips.

"I like this dream" he chuckled. I felt my eyelids flutter closed as I sighed and lifted my head slightly so he could continue kissing under my jaw, up to my chin. I had to agree with him; this was a very, _very _nice dream. I was going to pay for this in the morning, so I might as well make the most of it.

The hand that had been resting on my waist was now tracing the contours of my body, from the bottom of my ribs to the curve of my hip and back again. This time, as his hand reached my hip he grabbed it and pulled it closer against him, my body moved with him as he rolled slightly away so that I had enough space to turn over.

Now we were facing each other. He was still kissing along my jaw, one hand pressed against my back, the other back on my hip, his fingers tracing circles on my skin through my skirt. I felt myself shudder as he rolled us over again, this time so his body was pressed lightly on mine from above.

He sighed as he pulled my chin down gently with his own and pressed his warm lips against mine. There was a huge ache building inside my chest and the only way I could think of quashing it was to press myself closer to him, but every time I did it only flared up inside me more, forcing me to press up against him harder.

He groaned as I slid my hands up his t-shirt moving them up to his chest. As his kisses grew deeper and more desperate I explored further with my tongue, relishing in the taste of him, in his scent.

This time it was me who rolled us, so now I was the one on top, legs still intertwined, kisses getting deeper still. I continued to move my hands up his torso, dragging his top off too, exposing his bare chest. His arms were still wrapped around me and I didn't want him to let go, so, instead of pulling his top over his head I ripped it down the middle and tore it off him.

Now it was his turn. I felt his warm hands pulling against my top before he too slid them underneath, pressing firmly against my hips, my waist as he ran his hands up my sides. I lifted my arms above my head as he continued to kiss me. I pressed myself closer against him as he whipped my top off over my head, only tucking my chin for the briefest of moments before clamping my lips back down on his. He grasped both my wrists, still above my head, in just one of his.

Then he rolled us again chuckling. I felt his lips brush mine as he breathed, "this is going to hurt in the morning" before he continued kissing me, releasing my arms.

"Yes, it is a _very_ nice dream isn't it?"

He groaned again as he fought to bring my lips back to his as he hands toyed with my bra. We both gasped as it snapped beneath his hand before he tore it off me. I shuddered against him, very aware that I had Jake's body pressed against me and we were both half naked.

"I've got an idea," I murmured as he kissed me again, one hand moving to my chest. "I'll just never wake up, then I'll never be disappointed and we can stay like this forever, avoid the hurt that way."

"That's my plan too" he sighed, lips grazing mine. Somewhere in the back of my brain I wondered why Jake thought he was dreaming too, when it was clearly my dream. I'd had these fantasies for weeks now, admittedly none as good as _this_ one, but surely this way my dream, I mean, I was thinking right? That means it had to be _my_ dream.

Unconsciously, still kissing Jake I had managed to tug at my skirt until it was down over my hips, but I couldn't get my legs free. I felt him chuckle again, and caught a flash of a grin as he moved down and pulled it off, his fingers brushing my thighs.

I was still lying on my back; him now crouched on his hands and knees above me. There was too much space between us; I needed to feel his skin against mine, the ache in my chest flared. Without any conscious thought I found myself kneeling upright on the bed. Pulling Jake up with me. His body was longer than mine and I couldn't reach his lips. Desperation flared inside me as I pushed against him. I felt him groan again as he grabbed me round the waist and lifted me up as he slid us backwards onto the bed.

Relief rushed through me as our lips found each other, working furiously in time.

"It feels so real" my voice cracked as blood rushed to my cheeks and a tear escaped my eyes. Jake gasped and broke his lips away, eyes boring into mine.

"Oh my god" he said, fire in his eyes. He broke his hold on me and pushed me away, onto the bed beside him.

"This is wrong" he almost sobbed, "I thought it was a dream, I got carried away. Oh, I'm so, so sorry Nessie, please forgive me. I can't believe I did this." He launched himself off the bed, away from my reaching hands.

"Jake!" I cried, crashing against him as I leapt after him. "Jake, don't go, please, I love you, don't make me wake up" I pleaded. He hugged me to him and tucked my head under his chin.

"Don't you see, Nessie? You are awake. This is real. I'm a monster. I'm so sorry" he whimpered.

"No" I growled, wrestling free. "I love you Jake" I sobbed my eyes locked on his. I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist, kissing him fiercely.

"You _do_ want me" I sighed, as he parted his lips with mine. He shook his head slightly as if to clear it.

"Please, Jake" I pleaded as I pulled myself closer to him. He shuddered beneath me and gently placed me back on the bed. Before he could push me away, I pushed against him, rolling us until I lay atop him.

"Nessie, please - " he murmured and his hands locked firmly on my hips, holding me against him. I kissed him deeper, my breath coming faster as he kissed me back. I couldn't believe what I was doing. _What am I doing?_ His lips pushed fiercely against mine, parting them wider as he slid his tongue in and entwined it with mine.

I gasped as I felt his erection sliding slowly up my inner thigh, tracing the path of the shivers racking through my body. Without thinking I parted my legs slightly and tugged at his boxers, trying to tear them free, but his hand clamped down on mine.

"Nessie, not that. We just can't," he pleaded. _But why not? _I wanted to, God I knew I wanted to, and his body clearly did.

"I love you Jake," I breathed as I changed tack and grabbed at my own underwear instead.

"No" he growled, yanking my hand away. We both shuddered as we felt my pants come away too, torn in his hands.

I kissed him harder, absorbing everything, the feel of his warm lips burning against mine, the fire in his eyes as he looked at me, the feel of his bare skin rubbing against mine, and the feel of his boxers beneath my hands as I ripped them off him.

Jake groaned and his lips broke free, his gaze still locked on mine, he hadn't broken eye contact.

"Are you sure?" he breathed against my neck, whispering in my ear.

"Please" I pleaded, reaching up to put my hand against his cheek to show him how I felt. He gasped and snapped his eyes back to mine, kissing me once, twice as he rolled us over.

"I love you Nessie", he said, shutting his eyes.

My whole body shuddered as he slid inside me, a moan escaping from my lips. He opened his eyes and stared at me, not moving. I shuddered against him again gasping. Pain flitted across his face and he started to pull himself away; my body protested before I could, my hips rising to meet his as I arched against him.

Jake groaned then too and thrust into me. Gasping, we shuddered against each other. I pulled his lips back to mine as I felt start to move inside me, moaning at the sensations coursing through my body. He moaned too, repeating my name again and again, I heard myself answer him as the first waves of pleasure engulfed me.

Afterwards I curled against him, and he wrapped me in his arms, kissing me. We murmured, "I loved you" again and again, and then we fell asleep, still naked, entwined in each other's arms.


	4. Desperation

I could feel myself slowly surfacing through the haze of sleep but tried to fight against it; it felt so nice, just to stay here in the warmth of the bed enveloping me. I kept my eyes resolutely shut as I shifted my head to a more comfortable position and tried to slip into slumber once again. I didn't want to let the dream go, I couldn't remember all the details, I just knew that it was a pleasant one, and that it was slipping away.

"Are you awake?" I heard someone whisper. I mumbled an indistinct sound in reply.

"Ness?" came the voice again.

"Let me sleep" I murmured, hearing a soft chuckle that gently shook the mattress beneath me. "Stop it" I scolded half-heartedly, "I want to sleep."

"Okay, okay", the voice held a smile. I felt something gently brush back the hair from my face and stroke the top of my head; it felt really nice and I wandered at the touch.

It was no good; I was losing the battle with myself and was becoming more conscious by the second. I could hear sounds now, the chirping of birds in the trees outside my bedroom window, the faint gurgle of a stream running underneath a thick covering of ice, and, much closer a steady breathing accompanying my own. I sighed.

That's when I became aware of the slight hardness to the mattress beneath me, it wasn't unpleasant, just different and the covers felt heavier as they draped over my back. My eyelids fluttered open and shut briefly before my lids could hold themselves up. As my eyes focused I heard the soft voice again.

"Morning."

I glanced up, lifting my chin slightly, to see Jake gazing back at me, his lips pulling up at the corners. That's when I became aware of my limbs. My arms reached up above me draping around Jake's neck, my torso was resting across his chest and my legs sprawled out behind me.

"Oh. Sorry" I gasped starting to pull my arms back so I could shift myself away. Before I had managed to lift myself more than an inch, however, he squeezed his own arms around me tighter, pressing me up against him.

"You look beautiful" he said eyes roaming my face.

"How do you feel?" he questioned, a sheepish look on his face.

My mouth opened silently so that I was gaping up at him as my brain finally kicked in. Jake was still gazing at me, his face still sheepish, but with a different look in his eye now. I took me a moment to describe it to myself…tender; Jake was looking at me tenderly, and with a hint of anxiety too. I gasped as the dream flooded through me again, but it wasn't a dream – it was a memory.

"Oh," I smiled, moving my hands to rest against his bare chest as I lifted my chin up and moved my face closer to his. "Wonderful," I sighed, smiling again, before pressing my lips gently against his. He smiled his lopsided smile back at me and kissed me back.

* * *

Tweny minutes later I found myself laughing as I looked down at Jake lying on his back in the snow, his expression a mixture of annoyance, exacerbation and confusion.

"That's the third time you've tripped me in the last five minutes!" he growled. It was true; me and Jake had been walking along hand in hand laughing and joking, but every so often his eyes would cloud over and he would look as if he were in pain, withdrawing into himself - which is when I would promptly decide to trip him again - I didn't like it when Jake was sad.

"You love me really" I teased, dancing away from him as he tried to pounce on me. He landed in the snow heavily and turned to face me again, nearly stumbling as his foot became wedged in a snowdrift.

"Yes, I do" he chuckled as he darted his hands out once more to catch me around the waist when I tried to skip past him again. He pulled me closer to him and planted a kiss on my lips.

"I do believe I am completely and utterly in love with you."

My breath caught in my throat at the casual way in which he had just declared himself, and I gazed at him silently for a second. Me and Jake always said that we loved each other, had done for years - but recently the meaning of those simple words had changed for me, as I had recently discovered they had for him too. But now he had just said he was _in love_ _with me_, and his words echoed around in my head causing me to smile up at him.

"So, I'm forgiven then?" i asked innocently, arching an eyebrow.

"Maybe," he laughed pulling me in close again. This time as he kissed me I reached up to wrap my arms around his neck.

"Aargh!" he exclaimed in surprise. "Oh my God, that's cold!" I had just dropped a large handful of icy snow down the back of his t-shirt. Jake naturally had a very high body temperature - part of being a wolf. He could stand in a blizzard for hours and not get ill, but he still hated the feel of snow up against his skin. A short bark of laughter burst from my lips and he snapped his eyes up to mine, smirking.

Before I could react he was already sailing through the air. He knocked into me, pushing me over so that I landed on my back in the snowdrift, him ontop of me. It was a very strange sensation, the warmth of Jake's body pressed up against my front, the coolness of the snow on my back.

Jake bent his head and mock growled in my ear, then softly nibbled on the side of my neck.

"Gotcha" he breathed against me.

As he lifted his head I darted mine upwards and kissed him, lips parting at his touch. We shared a long kiss for several minutes, soft yet passionate, tongues massaging each other, as he continued to press his body up against mine, pinning me beneath him on the snow.

"I'm in love with you too" I whispered as we broke apart, my lips grazing his as I spoke.

He made a low sound of contentment in the back of his throat and tugged at my lower lip with his teeth before kissing me again. He gently lifted me up to my feet as he did so, one arm held tight against my back, ensuring that I stayed pressed up to him as we rose, no space allowed to come between us.

He broke away from me saying, "You are the most breathtakingly beautiful and deadliest creature in the entire of existence." He glanced away, taking me by the hand again, and pulled me forward.

I just looked at him questioningly my lips pursing together in a pout as we started walking. I could tell Jake wanted to talk, and I knew we probably had to eventually, but I didn't want to break the peace of being with him even for a moment. He chuckled as he finally glanced back at me, reaching out to run a finger over my lips.

"I love it when you do that" he smiled, then he quickly glanced away from me as I raised my eyes to his, letting his hand fall back to his side.

We walked in relative silence, Jake slightly ahead of me, his thumb absently tracing circles on the back of my hand before we finally came to a stop in a small clearing. This was our place - mine and Jake's - we had discovered it nearly two years ago, shortly after we moved away from Forks to Alaska, I had been about five years old in apperance then.

It was amazing here; a line of trees behind us - which led to a forest; the site of most of our hunting and playing, the direction we had just come from a gentle winding expanse of path through hills, blocking the horizon from view, and to our other side and our front was a huge expanse of multicoloured ice, which was the frozen lake stretching out for several miles in front of us.

Jake pulled me down so that I was sat between his legs, leaning against his chest.

"We need to talk, Nessie." His voice had aquired a hard edge since he had last spoken. I just sat there silently my head resting on his shoulder and waited for him to begin.

"Nessie, we can't - I mean, - I, - It's not-" he broke of sighing, I was suprised; Jake never struggled for words. "I love you so much Nessie, but I just don't think we should be together " he rushed out, voice cracking.

I snapped my head up to stare at him, turning my body so I was knelt in front of him, my hand grabbing at him and squeezing hard.

"But, - but you love me, you're _in_ love with me, and I am with you too, - I don't understand!"

"Ness, these last two days have been wonderful, the best in my life - being with you - but we're deluding ourselves. What do you think you're family's reaction will be when they find out, hey?" he had been toying with a loose strand of my hair and suddenly realised, he once again dropped his hand, pulling his other one from my grip too, eyes burning.

"What do you think you're dad will do to me now I've broken my promise? We've got to stop this Ness, try and keep it as platonic as possible. And we definitely can't think about what happened last night, _ever_, he'd kill me."

"But-"was all i could choke out - I'd thought he'd wanted me, wanted _this_. I did. I wanted him so badly, I needed him, and he was slipping away, I could feel it.

"Ness" he said, seeing the hurt in my eyes. He bent his head to kiss me briefly on the cheek. "Nessie, we can be together, eventually, but not yet. I'm so sorry." He almost sobbed, pain evident in his face. He was hurting too, and I didn't like that.

"But, ... the imprinting," I started, "they knew. They must have known this would happen Jake." His eyes widened and he gaped at me in shock. I'd forgotten he didn't know I knew about that - but I didn't care. I needed him to understand.

"I made a promise Ness, to your dad," he told me. "I had to keep away from you - like that - like this-" he said hugging me tight against him briefly and brushing his mouth against mine before pulling back again. "I had to wait until you were sure how you felt yourself. I had to let you come to me"

"You did. I did"

"Yes, but he told me to wait until you were an adult."

"I am"

"No, Ness. He meant in literal years, - until you have existed for atleast eighteen years."

"But-" This was ridiculus. I didn't know what to say - he was trying to leave me. I should make it easier on him - let him go - I could see he was hurting, but I was so sure, I wanted him and was way to selfish to give him up without a fight.

"I've had to deny what I was thinking, what I was _feeling_ towards you for months, Nessie. It was hard, but I was coping. Then in one day you turned my world upside down - I never knew, I didn't even hope to imagine, - I tried, I tried when you first kissed me. But last night, last night, I just - I - I just couldn't stop myself." He blurted out in a rush, a single tear escaping before he roughly brushed it away.

All I could do was stare up at him. _Months?_ He had just described how I had felt too. All this time, all this time and I had never known he had felt the same - I had thought I was crazy, alone with these feelings.

"Jake, Jake it's okay" I was shocked into saying, "we can be together - be together and just not think about last night, can't we? They'll understand. We can keep it secret. If all we're doing is kissing and being together - hanging out like before - just acting like a new boyfriend and girlfriend, just kissing - nothing _more - _they can't stop us. We won't let them, _I_ won't let them. " I gushed grabbing at his shoulders. All he did was stare at me, shaking his head sadly.

"I'll get mum to make dad understand - I'll,- "

"No" he shouted jumping to his feet and out of my reach.

"I'm sorry Ness. We just can't. It would never work." He half sobbed, half growled. He dropped his eyes to meet mine for a second and I could see a well of fear, anger, pain and frustration roaring inside him.

And then for the second time in two days Jake ran away. I watched as he dissapeared into the forest, his body shuddering with the oncoming of a imminent change, and then I dropped to ground sobbing.

* * *

**_Hiya guys. _**

**_Sorry, it will probably be a while before I post again - exams!!! GRR!_**

**_Feel free to review and suggest any ideas you have that you might like to share, - I have encountered a huge wall of writer's block! What will happen with Jake and Nessie? etc etc._**

**_Constructive criticism welcome too - I'm always very paranoid that I'm waffling (like I'm beginning to now) and that I'm ruining the idea you have in your head of the future after Breaking Dawn. _**


	5. The best kind of pain relief

**_okay people, so... _**

**_more LEMON on its way if that's what you want to call it lol. _**

**_of course i'm not Stephenie Meyer, but god i wish i was!_**

**_And please, please review the story so far! _**

Time seemed to be working mysteriously as I lay there on the ice – sometimes I would start in shock when realising that hours had slipped by without me noticing, other times when minutes seemed to drag on for days. I had sobbed myself into a stupor, curling myself into a tight ball before collapsing onto my side, my eyes blank and unseeing, staring at the forest edge.

I knew he was in there. I knew that at some point he had been sat, just out of my sight, watching me. I had cried again at that thought, the thought that Jake was in pain, and the idea that he knew I was in pain too and couldn't comfort me, because the pain was for him. I knew this because I could feel his presence somewhere nearby, I had always known when Jake was near - it was like an extra sense. I also knew because when I had woken I discovered Jake had wrapped his clothes around me as I slept.

Now I clutched at those clothes and pulled them to me, breathing in Jake's smell, a scent so potent to me – a concoction of earthy smells; wood, leaves, pollen, freshly cut grass, the smell of fresh clean air, a hint of sweat that wasn't at all unpleasant and something else I had never been able to name. I clutched at them as I stumbled through the forest to him.

Upon reaching a small clearing I gave a loud sigh of relief – just being in Jake's presence, being close to him, eased my suffering. He was lying naked, curled up on the ground, a Greek god, his body melting the snow beneath him, a faint steam rising around him so that he seemed to almost have an otherworldly glow.

Silently, I crept forwards, my feet gliding lightly over the ice, trying to be fast yet cautious. When I reached him the urge to extend my hand out and touch him, to kiss him, almost overpowered me. I stood over him for several minutes, just listening to the sound of his deep breathing and letting his presence calm my torn emotions.

Eventually, I lowered myself so that I was lying beside him, not quite touching - I knew that temptation would be too much, and carefully set my head down on his outstretched arm, using his bicep as a pillow. I didn't go to sleep – I just let my mind empty itself of all the negative feelings and thoughts for a while.

"Nessie" Jake murmured. I froze, finally realising that he was just muttering in his sleep. Several long minutes passed before I relaxed again, just before he repeated my name, his legs twitching in his slumber.

"Ah, God! Nessie!" he moaned. My eyes flew open and before I could catch myself I rolled over so that I was facing him. Jake was still asleep and he was dreaming, dreaming of me.

Reaching my hand out I placed my palm lightly on his face. Last night I had discovered something – and I wanted to see if I could do it again. Focusing on my palm against his skin I concentrated hard on Jake – I wasn't trying to show him _my_ thoughts; I was trying to see his.

It had happened last night, when I could feel the unfamiliar building in my stomach, waves of pleasure threatening to engulf me. I had reached out to grab Jake's face in my hands and could suddenly feel his sensations as well as my own. It had been too much for one person to handle, I was sure of it, and I had screamed and panted and moaned as I felt not only my own orgasm building and building, but Jake's too. I had let go – I thought it would drive me insane.

Now, a face swam in front of me – my own. My eyes widened as I looked at my face – I was beautiful, my lips curved into an inviting smile, my eyes glinting with lust and mischief. As I watched, the dream me - Jake's me - bent her head and…

I gasped and removed my hand. Jake was still muttering my name over and over again and I now became aware of his erection, hard against my stomach. The urge to reach out and touch him was overwhelming me. I knew I should leave, that this was probably a huge mistake –but I just couldn't help myself.

Jake had straightened out now; he was no longer curled in a ball but stretched out, his right leg twitching slightly. Even as I raised myself onto my knees he rolled slightly, so that he was lying on his back.

"Nessie" he moaned again. At the sound of him calling my name I was pushed over the edge.

Hesitantly I reached out to his erect penis and curled my fingers around it. Jake gave another soft moan as I began to rub my hand lightly up and down his length, watching his face as I did so. Feeling his pleasure I began to pump my hand faster, hoping I was doing it right, and was rewarded at the feel of him growing larger still. Seeing this, I slowly bent my head and blew a stream of cool air directly onto the tip off his throbbing manhood. Slower still I dipped my head lower and softly kissed it.

His moan was loader this time as I ran the tip of my tongue along his length - tasting him – and he reached down to curl his fingers in my hair. Chuckling, I let my breath wash over him as I used both my hands to run my fingertips along his still growing member. I glanced up at the sound of a sharp intake of breath, unsure whether it was his or mine and saw Jake was now awake, watching me, shock in his eyes.

"Just one more time Jake" I whispered over him. "Please. Just once more. We can go back to how it was before tomorrow. I just – I _need_ this, _you_." He didn't say anything – just continued to stare down at me, fingers still curled in my hair. I took that as a yes.

Again I dipped my head and started to kiss him from the base of his erection, slowly moving to his tip. When I reached his end I parted my lips, copying the motion I had watched myself do in Jake's dream, my mouth hovering over him. His fingers grabbed at my hair, tugging harder as he thrust his hips upwards. I let my lips slide along his whole length before I slowly brought my head back up so I had only half of him in my mouth, and began to suck. He groaned in pleasure as I grazed my teeth along him before letting my tongue rub up against him, sucking harder, revelling in the taste of him.

I raised myself up, kissing him lightly on the tip again at the last possible moment. I knew what was about to happen if I continued, and I didn't know what to do if it happened in my mouth. He grunted in frustration and his hands left my hair to grab at my hips and yank me up onto him, so that he could kiss me.

He kissed me deeply, my lips parting beneath his immediately and he massaged my tongue gently with his own. I reached up to knot my fingers in his hair and pull him closer to me as the kisses became fiercer. He growled beneath me as I bit his lower lip, tugging at it as I furiously raked my hands all over him. His hands grasped me to him tighter and I responded, exploring deeper with my tongue and grabbing at his hair again.

"I love you," I whispered, my eyes fixed on his. When I brought my mouth back urgently to his it felt like his lips were burning mine as our tongues danced together, desperately trying to hold their own against the other.

"I love you too." This time it was Jake's turn to break the kiss. I took the opportunity to gasp for air. "But - " he shifted beneath me and I was afraid he was going to push me away again.

"Not buts" I breathed, kissing him quickly. "Not tonight."

"Well, then I think it's my turn," he chuckled, rolling us over after a seconds pause.

I was so relieved that he hadn't had the strength to fight it – just like I hadn't, that I didn't realise that he had removed both my top and bra until he started to gently nibble on my breasts, teasing my nipples between his front teeth. Then, with frustrating slowness he ran his tongue down the gap between my breasts, continuing his path to just below my navel.

Slowly he peeled my jeans off me, sliding them over my hips and down my legs, repeating the action even slower still with my panties, so that now we were both naked. I silently thanked the stars that the night had rushed in so quickly – I knew that Jake loved me but I was still insecure about my body, and he had never seen me naked before in the full light.

Then he started kissing me. He touched his lips again and again to my inner thigh, moving higher each time, and then he moved to the crook of my other leg, beginning again, purposefully avoiding the area my body craved for his lips to go to.

Crouching over me he stretched himself up, crashing his lips down on mine. My body quivered against him as he reached down with his hand and let his fingers rub against me, and my legs parted unbidden, heat and wetness rushing out to meet him. He broke the kiss, his face still inches from mine and whispered, "all you have to do is tell me to stop and I will. I love you."

I gasped and grabbed the back of his neck as he plunged his fingers into me. He worked them deeper until I was gulping for air, moaning and writhing beneath him in pleasure. Then he slipped another finger into me and watched me scream and arch my back as he found the core of my excitement.

As I felt myself moan in delight at the sensations he was creating, orgasm building inside me for the third time in my life, he ducked his face away from mine and travelled down to just below my waist. I felt the tip of his tongue gently graze against me just above his busy fingers before it started to work furiously against my sensitive spot, with increasing speed and roughness. I screamed again and again shouting his name as the waves of climax struck me, before he removed his fingers, grabbed me by the hips and pulled me even closer into him.

I had to bunch my hands into fists, clawing at the surrounding snow as he slid his tongue inside me as deep as it would go, and began to twist it back and forth in a corkscrew-like motion, mimicking what his fingers had been doing only seconds before.

I panted and moaned beneath him, rocking my hips further into him as I started to lose control. Withdrawing his tongue at the peak of my climax he nipped down with his teeth on my sensitive spot, causing me to shriek in delight again before he shifted back up to hover over my torso, his eyes searching my face.

Pulling him on top of me I fought to find his lips. They pushed against mine, parting them wider as my tongue darted forwards to meet his own. I felt him shift slightly on top of me, his legs nudging mine apart. I could feel him throbbing at my opening, grazing against me. As he kissed me with increasing ferocity I could taste myself on his tongue. His hands traversed my body, stroking and groping, his touch leaving a trail of fire on my skin; the anticipation was unbearable.

Jake locked his eyes with mine, his gaze burning into me. I realised he was asking a question of me, of my consent and I nodded feebly, biting my lower lip.

"You'll be the death of me, Nessie," he growled, smiling.

I shuddered against him as he thrust into me. He ground his hips with mine, grabbing my bum and rocking further into me. He started to pound out a rhythm, picking up the pace as he grunted my name. I panted back at him as we both began to climax.

We rolled over, not breaking rhythm and I arched my spine, tipping my head back as I rose to a sitting position, straddling him. He grasped my waist and helped me to lower myself onto him again and again before we both lost control, pleasure racking through our bodies – and all previous despair was forgotten completely.

* * *


	6. jake's pov

**_hiya folks, this isn't the whole chapter just the first part, but it had been a while since i updated so i thought I'd add this for now, before i finish the chapter. _**

**_again, I'm not Stephenie Meyer, just one of her very many disciples. _**

**_please, please, please review the story so far! what do you want to happen?_**

* * *

_**Jakes POV**_

I knew that I had let myself get carried away again when I shouldn't have – but I found that I didn't have it in me to truly regret it either. These past two nights had been both the best and the worst of my existence. I knew that it was wrong, but it had just felt so good, so _right. _The feeling of being that close to Nessie, of being that connected, being _inside_ her was such an overwhelming sense of right, as if that was where I belonged. And I now knew that I didn't have the strength to resist her pull on me anymore – anything she wanted from me I would give.

That's why I was still inside her now. Every time I had tried to pull myself out of her so that she could sleep in a more comfortable position she would whimper and mumble "no" - not that I was complaining, I could stay like this forever, I felt complete. I glanced down at Nessie's face, her mouth curled into a gentle smile and her eyes lidded with sleep – how could I have convinced myself that I could deny this for long? If I was being completely honest with myself I was staggered, amazed, that I had managed to control myself for as long as I had.

I remember clearly the instant my feelings for Nessie had changed – it was three months ago to the day. I had already registered the fact that she had stopped growing of course – how could I not? I knew what was eventually going to happen, it was inevitable, but I had never expected it to happen so quickly, and I wasn't prepared for it.

It had been a simple thing really, a split second realisation. We had been out with her family on a hunt, and Nessie had decided on wearing her new dress – another of the pixie's many presents. She loved dressing and making Nessie up –like she was a life size Barbie doll, and Nessie allowed her to – not that she needed any of that stuff, she was and is the most dazzlingly beautiful creature I have ever seen, whatever she wears – _or doesn't wear_, I chuckled to myself.

Ness had jumped up into the top of the trees –she loves it up there. When she decided she was coming down she realised her problem; if she jumped she would splash mud all over her new dress, and if she wasn't careful she would snag it too. Gingerly she had climbed down most of the height of the large tree until she was standing on a branch only ten foot off the ground. Then she had spotted me.

I had been stood in the shadow of a large oak watching her with amusement, and what I knew was a goofy look on my face. She had raised her head slightly, locked her stare on mine, a glint in her eyes I had never seen before, and smiled. And that was it. At that simple look I felt the world around me flip, and suddenly my attention was more focused on her than it ever had been before, more intense. A huge pressure built up behind my eyes, my blood pumping hard in my ears, and all I could see was her. And I was being pulled; pulled towards her, a strange clenching in my stomach muscles and a fluttering in my chest.

"Jake" she had smiled, elongating my name into two syllables. "Could you help me down?" Never before had I noticed how beautiful she was, never before had I wanted to please her so much.

I found myself stood beneath her perch several seconds later, my eyes never having left hers, burning intensely, as she began to lower herself into my waiting arms. I had felt my fingertips burning as her slender frame slid between my hands and my breath had caught in my throat. I had held Nessie thousands of times before, hugged, carried and tickled her, but never before had I been so aware of her body beneath my touch. It was like a great physical pain and a huge relief at the same time.

I had stared at her for what felt like ages, unable to tear my gaze from her face. It was like I was being pulled towards her by an unimaginably strong force, and I realised that this was the moment I developed feelings for my Ness, so much stronger than that of protector or best friend – I wanted so much more.

She had smiled at me again, quickly pecking me on the cheek before looking slightly awkward, a flush rising to her checks when I didn't release her straight away. That's when her father had emerged, calling for Nessie to join the rest of those annoying bloodsuckers. He had immediately snapped his eyes to mine as I eventually – after what seemed to me like hours, but which had probably only been a few seconds, - released Nessie, and wrenched my eyes away from hers, sure that if I looked back into them I would be trapped forever.

I knew that he had heard my thoughts surrounding his daughter change, and I knew that he registered the fact that as I watched the girl I was unconditionally in love with walk back into the forest that I noticed how that dress hugged her body perfectly in all the right places, and how her hips swayed as she took every step. I heard him growl, only a short and low one, but it had managed to snap me out of my trance. It was only natural he felt this way – I was actually surprised he hadn't attacked me, I was convinced that when this moment came he would try to tear me apart –he was her dad.

That's when I had turned and run in the opposite direction – not fleeing Edward, but Nessie's draw – and tried to gain control over my raging emotions and the almost overwhelming urge to hold her and kiss her until everything else disappeared. Something I had been doing an awful lot of recently.

I chuckled to myself again, tracing patterns on Nessie's bare shoulder as I remembered all those times I had had to fight the overwhelming urges that sprung up whenever I looked into her eyes, or felt her near me. The time when she had reached up to pull a leaf from my hair – her fingers leaving a trail of fire across the skin of my brow, and as she stretched up the trouser-tightening inch of bare skin that was revealed as her tight t-shirt rode up. Or the multiple times when she had flung herself into my waiting arms, pressing her body firmly up against me. And that time she had fed me chocolate ice cream off her spoon, licking her lips in the most inviting and unconsciously seductive manner imaginable. Not to mention the time by the river, just me and Ness, only three days ago - I had been fantasing about kissing her, when I realised that it was getting dark. I had felt guilty, we hadn't spent that much time together alone lately and there I was off in my own little world - she must have been bored stiff. And then when she had blushed, oh god it made me harden slightly just at the memory of how sexy she had looked, I remember thinking _God! She knows what I was thinking!_

_**that's as far as i've got so far lol, i no nothing's happened yet, but there you go!**_

_**REVIEW PLEASE**_!


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